Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Thomas: September 1994 - May 24, 2010

I just lost another loyal friend yesterday. Thomas has left me. He would have been 16 years old this September.

Poor Thomas did not have an easy life. He came into our lives when he was 1 1/2 years old. The person he was with before always had him outside. He developed asthma from being out in the cold and snow and ice. After Tony and I had him neutered, he almost died from hemorrhaging. I found out later that he had been born with a blood-clotting problem, so I was always so very careful that he never got into a situation where he might get injured.

Even though I tried to be equal in the attention and affection I gave my boys, Thomas seemed to always be second. Tiger was the "boss" of the household and the leader, and Thomas would just step back and let him have his way. Tiger was more demanding. Thomas was very quiet and timid. I always wondered how such a timid cat survived being outside as young as he was back then.

The past few years, Thomas's asthma has been under control. But after Tiger died, I think Thomas became depressed. He didn't seem himself. I blame myself that because I was so depressed after losing Tiger, I wasn't as observant as I should have been.

When Thomas started having trouble with his asthma acting up Saturday, I tried to give him the inhaler he needed, but he kept fighting me. By Sunday I knew we needed to see a vet. But I could not get a ride from anyone!! My father finally found someone to help us, but she said we would have to wait until Monday morning. It is obvious to me she is not an animal lover, or she would have understood the emergency.

Anyway, she did pick us up Monday morning, but that was such a big mistake. Her car was full of cigarette smoke! The worst thing for someone having trouble breathing! As soon as we entered her car, Thomas started struggling to breathe. He died in the car on the way to the vet. I will always feel that I killed him. If I had been able to get a different person, a non-smoker, to help us, Thomas might have made it to the vet.

I know he might have still died, but at least they could have made him a little comfortable at the animal hospital and I could have held him as he took his last breath, as I did with Tiger. But Thomas was in the carrier in the car and I could not get him out.

Does anyone understand the feelings I was going thru? As the mommy to Thomas, I was helpless and had to watch him suffer, not being able to do anything. Why can't people understand, that to some of us, our cats (or dogs) are more than just pets. They are our family, our babies, our "children". Tony and I did not have children together. Tiger and Thomas were our children.

Now I have lost all three of my loves. I am sitting here, feeling so all alone and terrible because I could not do anything for my baby.


Julee said...

Dear Diane,

My heart is with you. Having lost my beloved Yorkie Grover a number of years back and then Filvia last year, I can remember the heartache deep down .... they were part of family to me, just like my babies too.

Please don't blame yourself for not having done enough for Thomas, you love him just as much and I believe he knows, being part of family is a true blessing and joy to him as much as he was to you.

Please take care, wish I could be there with you. My prayers and thoughts are with you dear Diane.

housewife said...

my heart is hurting with you